Birthday Wish

“...Happy birthday to you!” 

Grandma called me by the sidelines to join her at the center of the table. It’s her celebration, I know, but she has always included me in this. It all started when I was but a wee little girl, looking all so excited whenever I see a cake with candles stuck in them. ‘A birthday wish!’ is all I think about, although I do know that this wish is not mine — it is my grandma’s.

I am 29 years old now, and some may say I am a bit too old for believing in birthday wishes but believe it or not, all of my birthday wishes came true. The biggest doll house, new set of my favorite book, roller blades, a knitted cross body bag with a huge ribbon on it, you name the wish and it was all granted. At first I thought my parents were just listening to my thoughts but then I realized, it was the birthday wish magic! After the material things came the more difficult wishes to fulfill; the good grades, the 1st place at our school district's writing competition, my crush having a crush on me, being accepted at my dream university, graduating with honors. It was difficult, yes, but I never said it was impossible.

My grandma’s caring eyes looked at me. The creases on the side of her eyes deepened, Curves appeared on the corner of her lips as we blew on her birthday candle.  ‘I wish for a new job with better benefits’ I thought to myself as I wished with all my heart. I looked at my grandma after wishing earnestly. Her eyes shut as tightly as she’s holding my hands. I wonder what a woman her age is wishing for. Longer life? Good health, maybe? I can never be sure but all I know is that this is the most earnest I saw grandma. It’s as if she’s not wishing — but begging for anyone who’s granting my birthday wish to listen to her, hear her pleas and make it come true. I guess that’s just normal wishing but something about this one felt really special. She opened her eyes and her gaze slowly focused on me. She smiled kindly and gave me a kiss on my forehead. Whatever it is that my grandma wished for probably didn’t come true.

She passed away 4 months after she celebrated her 87th birthday. A devastating news I had to hear from my own office at the new job I got 2 months ago. Everyone in the family is coping up in their own little way. Mom has been crying a lot at random times of the day. She said everything reminds her of grandma and it will be really difficult for her not to see grandma ever again. Everyone was in town and grandma was buried 4 days after her passing, coincidentally, it was the day of my 30th birthday. The burial happened at dawn and immediately after, my mom asked me how I wanted to celebrate my birthday. “How can I celebrate my birthday?” I asked her. I went straight to my room upon going home to my grandma’s house. The pain was too much to bear so I just lay in bed staring at the ceiling. After a few minutes, I heard faint whispering and moving. My mom and other family members finally arrived from the burial site. The whispers grew louder and the movements became bigger as they moved closer to my room. It was followed by dead silence. I thought they all went to their rooms but to my surprise, the silence was followed by their voices singing in unison. 

Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you,

Happy birthday, our dearest, Happy birthday to you!

They all entered my room, my mom holding the cake with both of her hands. My uncle carefully lit the only candle in the middle of my birthday cake. I looked at my cake then to my family, then back to my cake. My mom felt my hesitation to blow the candle. “Go on”, she said. “I know it’s what your grandma would have wanted.” she continued. You can hear her voice shaking as she encourages me to do the thing that I would usually do with my grandma. I am still a bit hesitant but their somber eyes paired with an encouraging nod pushed me to do it. I closed my eyes the way grandma closed hers when she made her last birthday wish a few months prior. I held both of my hands together as tight as how she held my hands that day. I took all of the courage in my heart before wishing, and with a steady exhale, I said my wish silently. 

“I wish my grandma could have said goodbye before she died.”

They all wished me a happy birthday and exited my room. The air around me was still and I suddenly felt sleepy. I lay down on my bed and in no time fell asleep.

I felt a warm hand gently caressing my arm. I slowly opened my eyes and was shocked as my eyes started to focus on who was on my bedside waking me up. It was my grandma, looking peaceful. “My dear, I apologize for not being able  to say goodbye.” I hugged her as tight as I could. I have so much to tell her but for some reason I couldn’t find the words to start speaking. She held me tightly by my shoulders and started to explain. “I know you have a lot to say but you only wished for me to say goodbye, that’s why you can’t say anything. I don’t have much time — well I already ran out of time — but came back for a while to fulfill your birthday wish.”I started to calm down as she finished explaining. I gave her a reassuring nod and she continued to explain.

“Happy birthday, my child, I’m sorry I can no longer blow birthday candles with you, but just know that I will always be with you in spirit when you do so every year. I am really sorry for leaving all of you unexpectedly.. I have lived a full life and I am grateful to have spent a portion of it with you. Ever since we started our tradition of blowing birthday candles together, I started to look forward to my birthday each year. As your birthday wishes came true, so did mine; for I only have one thing I wish for each birthday — it’s for all of your wishes to come true. I know my absence will be difficult for you and for the whole family but I know all of you will be just fine. Just know that grandma will always be wishing you the best every time you blow out your birthday candle. For the sake of your good old grandma, find ways to enjoy life and live it to the fullest. I love you, my child, and happy birthday.”

Grandma cupped my cheeks and pulled me closer to her. Her lips softly kissed my forehead and as tears escaped my eyes, I slowly woke up from my slumber. I continued to cry as I thought about the words my grandma told me. Whether it was a dream or an actual visit from her is the least of my worries. All I can think about is how loved I felt. That that love is what made all of my dreams come true, and not me blowing my birthday candles. It wasn’t the birthday wish magic — it was my grandma.I cleaned myself up and went downstairs. My mom was in the family room with some of our family members. They looked at me with worried eyes but with renewed hope and carrying my grandma’s love for me in my heart, I looked at her with a bright smile.

“Let’s go out and have dinner. I mean, it’s my birthday, right?”